This morning left me feeling down trodden and heavy of heart. I have done my children a serious disservice. They are spoiled rotten. I think the phrase that constantly lingers in the air in our house is "I want"...This morning when I was helping Colton write his talk for church, he told me he didn't know the story of Christ's birth. What? Are you kidding me right now? Do you want me to lose my mind? My blood went from 98 degrees to a rapid boil in no time at all. Then once it returned to a mere simmer, I was left with feelings of failure. If my kids expect things, if they don't think of others, if he truly doesn't know the story of the Saviors birth, it is only me who is responsible...my mood did not improve as the day went on....and I forgot to say, I pretty much told Colton there's a good chance I'm gonna cancel presesnts...
But then, the light at the end of my self loathing tunnel came during Relief Society. We watched a short video of Elder Holland giving a talk. There is something about the way he speaks, who he is, that speaks straight to my heart and soul. I am always left with a renewed sense that I can do better when I hear him speak. And I can. So I am actively trying to think of ways I can turn this Christmas around. I am praying for opportunities for my kids to feel the Spirit of Giving and Kindness...I am going to try and be a better example myself....so far, that's all I got...
This post is so deep...for a family that is currently doggie paddling in the shallow end...
Picture...
Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is to not ruin my kids...
5 comments:
Rachael, I've been lurking here for a few weeks and have never commented, but I wanted to let you know that I really love reading your posts. They are from the heart.
And I especially love this one. We, as mothers, are so hard on ourselves, nut that's because we know how important our job is. I often feel much like you do in this post. I feel like it's probably too late to "fix" my kids :) But, then something reminds me that I must keep trying, never give up, and just try to do my best.
My favorite quote, which gives me so much hope is the ever popular: "Try a little harder to do a little better!" President Hinckley is my hero. He reminds me that all I have to do is try.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here on this blog. I love reading them!
ummm, that's supposed to say *but* up there in the 2nd paragraph... not nut :(
As I was standing at my stove tonight, stirring my caramel frosting for 2 minutes whilst boiling, I was reflecting on the things that I want, like new clothes, skinny legs, a hair cut, a flat iron, some sharpies and I thought of your line from a few posts ago about sounding like the old school record player skipping along to "I want, I want, I want," and it occurred to me that I really miss your posts and that they are often filled with one liners that cross my mind at random times. Like New Girl- "Whoa, big deal alert! Scary stuff, kids. Yeesh. Falling rocks, bridge out, duck!"
So, moral of the store, post
already.
WV: mizing- I've been mizing your posts.
Rach, you are doing a great job. Baby steps, that's what it takes. I'm glad u got what u wanted for Christmas because you're not ruining for kids. Isn't it good that we can have aha moments to help us realize what we can work on.
I didn't ruin you...therefore you aren't going to ruin your children either...remember that our kids are what make us make the changes needed for ourselves as well as for them. It took what you experienced with the kids to open your doors to hear what you needed to hear..it's a circle of events that teach us what it is we are seeking to know. Now you can turn what you thought was a negative into a positive and know that it was meant to be. Your doing a good job...look how much they love us:)
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