Life

Tuesday July 22, I received a call from my sister that my Grandpa was having a heart attack. It was about 7:30a.m., and by 8:30a.m. we were all at Kadlec. The time has gone by in a blur. It will be a week tomorrow, I really thought we would be in a better position by now. We are still in the woods, we are still only making baby steps. And it continues to feel like every time we take a step forward, we take 2 steps back.

There are so many things I will never forget. I will forever remember the sinking feeling when his blood pressure dropped drastically and as scary as it was to stay in his room while the doctor made critical decisions, I couldn't bring myself to leave. I sat and prayed so hard that he would pull through, God's will be done, and please let that be that my Grandpa would make it.

I remember the tortured feeling of saying goodbye and hugging him as he hugged me back and told me he would be fine. The doctors needed to put a pace maker in and they didn't even know if he would survive the trip to the cath lab.

I am grateful for the experience I had to take care of him, the tiny bit that I could. Giving him drinks of water and wiping his forehead when he spiked a fever. When I wiped his head with the cool wash rag he asked me if I remembered brushing his hair when I was little, I let him know of course I did. To actually be doing something instead of just sitting felt so much better.

I will carry with me the defeated feeling when I first saw him sedated and intubated. It just felt so backwards, to have been talking to him, and loose that communication.

But I think the most profound moment in the last six days came from my Grandma. I looked over at her, and she didn't look too good. I asked her if she was ok, if there was something I could do for her, and she just broke down in tears and said "I just miss him so much." Just that simple. It is easy to get caught up in his survival, and worrying about what the future would possibly be like with out him. I had forgotten about her present. She hasn't gone a day with out him for as long as I can remember.

I continue to pray and have faith that he will make it through this. We have a long road ahead of us, and I couldn't be blessed with a better family to travel it with. We have all come together from Portland to Walla Walla. I am proud to be a part of a strong, loving family.

He's Here!

Baby Buchanan is here! He is weighing in at 6lbs 7oz and measuring 21in long! I will be at the hospital from 3:00p.m. until Friday afternoon for anyone who would like to come and visit when I am there instead of Jason. I am way cooler than he is, so if I were you, I would wait until at least 3:00 to come visit.

I will update this later with some pictures so check back.

Driving in the car......

Colton: Mom why do we have a Camry Toyota?

Me: I don't know, it's just the kind of car we have.

Colton: What kind of van does Spencer have?

Me: I don't know actually, maybe it's a Dodge, or a Ford, or a Chrysler....I'm not sure..

Colton: No, is it a Darth Vader van?

Me: No, it's not a Darth Vader van

Colton: Well what is it's Star Wars name?

Me: What? Cars don't have Star Wars names...

At this point I stopped listening to him, because my mind was trying to think of where he came up with this and if he would soon need to be medicated for this Star Wars obsession. Then it hit me. Toy-Yoda, He thinks our Toyota is named Toy-Yoda. This kid is killing me.

And Thats Why..........

I HATE BLOGSPOT. SERIOUSLY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE FONT SIZER??

And the Magic Numbers Are.....

96 times I put Aubrey back in her bed tonight.

77 minutes before she fell asleep sitting up in her bed.

So, today I decided my kids are getting older, Colton turned 4 in April, Aubrey turned 2 in April. They need to start going to bed on their own. Colton actually used to, until we moved. He has never really liked being upstairs or downstairs by himself. But I decided, I had watched enough "Super Nanny" and a change was a comin. I talked to Colton about it all day, I let him know, I would stay upstairs but he needed to lay in bed and fall asleep by himself.

Aubrey was the first one up. Nap time. An hour and fifteen minutes of me putting her back in her bed. She was so mad. She screamed, cried, threw her binki(yes, I know she is getting a little on the older side) and continued to get up. But finally she gave in, and my sanity was saved.

Colton did ok, he whined a little and refused to give me a kiss goodnight, but fell asleep quite quickly.

Then came Aubrey. Again. I was curious to see how many times she got out of bed so I started counting. Here is a little play by play.

23-yawned, giving me false hope.

32-I decided I didn't care if she wasn't in her bed, she could sleep on the floor, I would just wait for her to come out.

44-I started trying to listen to the sound of her feet hitting the floor and rush in

*side note: every time she would get out of bed she would walk to her closet put her binki in the toy bin and come to her door. At first I just waited for the sound of the bink*

63-I can't remember now, but I know I did something a little different.

80-she finally started to cry

90-this one is my favorite, this is when Kent came out, told me what I was doing wasn't working and I needed to try something different because HE couldn't sleep.

92-I became ridden with guilt because as soon as I picked her up she would stop crying. I started to question myself, but knew I had to continue after coming this far

96-I laid her in her bed, stood at her dresser with my back to her, about 2ft from the door. She quieted down, I could see her in the mirror from the corner of my eye. And that is when she fell asleep sitting up. So determined not to lay down.

So tomorrow is a new day, and I just wish I knew if this was the right thing to do.


Oh, and today was Kent's 30th birthday. Between taking Colton shopping for him, making a pie for him, and putting Aubrey to sleep twice, I had no time for a birthday post. Hopefully tomorrow. Maybe by then I won't be so annoyed about his less than supportive suggestion, and his list will be a positive one!

Today...

Today Colton......
Wrapped a string around his neck, pulled, and said "See Mom, I didn't even choke"



Today Aubrey.....
Needed to be reminded once again, that girls don't stand when trying to go potty