Life

Tuesday July 22, I received a call from my sister that my Grandpa was having a heart attack. It was about 7:30a.m., and by 8:30a.m. we were all at Kadlec. The time has gone by in a blur. It will be a week tomorrow, I really thought we would be in a better position by now. We are still in the woods, we are still only making baby steps. And it continues to feel like every time we take a step forward, we take 2 steps back.

There are so many things I will never forget. I will forever remember the sinking feeling when his blood pressure dropped drastically and as scary as it was to stay in his room while the doctor made critical decisions, I couldn't bring myself to leave. I sat and prayed so hard that he would pull through, God's will be done, and please let that be that my Grandpa would make it.

I remember the tortured feeling of saying goodbye and hugging him as he hugged me back and told me he would be fine. The doctors needed to put a pace maker in and they didn't even know if he would survive the trip to the cath lab.

I am grateful for the experience I had to take care of him, the tiny bit that I could. Giving him drinks of water and wiping his forehead when he spiked a fever. When I wiped his head with the cool wash rag he asked me if I remembered brushing his hair when I was little, I let him know of course I did. To actually be doing something instead of just sitting felt so much better.

I will carry with me the defeated feeling when I first saw him sedated and intubated. It just felt so backwards, to have been talking to him, and loose that communication.

But I think the most profound moment in the last six days came from my Grandma. I looked over at her, and she didn't look too good. I asked her if she was ok, if there was something I could do for her, and she just broke down in tears and said "I just miss him so much." Just that simple. It is easy to get caught up in his survival, and worrying about what the future would possibly be like with out him. I had forgotten about her present. She hasn't gone a day with out him for as long as I can remember.

I continue to pray and have faith that he will make it through this. We have a long road ahead of us, and I couldn't be blessed with a better family to travel it with. We have all come together from Portland to Walla Walla. I am proud to be a part of a strong, loving family.