Crazy Town

I am in the middle of a mental breakdown.  Literallly.  And the worst part is, I feel a total loss of control.  Heaven help all the women in the world riding the rollercoaster of hormones and stay-at home motherhood.  With no maid. 

Why does having a headache have to cost so much?  Why does reading a book or just being tired mean you will pay dearly?  Why, if I hate having a messy house, am I not more motivated to clean everyday?  Or why can't I just not care???

For the freaking love!!

Trying to say things without yelling, is exhausting.  Saying borderline mean things eats at your gut.  But walking around from room to room with crap everywhere  feels like an ulcer.

And the super crap fact?  At the end of the day, the only finger to point is directed back at no one else but yourself.  And I yearn, I long, I desperately want someone else to blame...

But what kids wouldn't make a huge mess while being unsupervised?  And what kid actually cleans up with out a watchful parent?  None, I say. 

The hormones aren't technically my fault, but one could argue, that when you have bad sleep habits, don't drink enough water, or exercise at all, you aren't really doing anything to help yourself either.

And when will this raging storm of anger be over?  Why can't I just be done with it....

And how come the only thing that seems to settle the storm is chocolate, candy, cake, pie...all things delicious, just compound the other plaguing problem of fatness and body loathing...

I am such a whiny baby. 

And I hate it.

I really thought venting this all out would some how be cathartic, but to my disappointment, when I just went to check on Aubrey's progress in her room, the swells of anger rose high, and I found myself throwing all her crap that needed to be put away in pile...and I just...

ugh....

This one time, I was happy...